Does your life really suck? Do you wake up in the morning thinking, “really, another day? But I just finished the last one!” Was the last time you smile during your 15th time watching Love Actually, at the scene where the little kid chases his crush down an airport terminal while you yourself chase down your tenth doughnut with a shot of vodka? It’s time to put the carbs down, shut off your laptop and have some fun! Follow these quick and easy steps to have your best day ever:
- Acquire one billion dollars. It’s not hard, tons of people have done it.
- Train your running speed so that you can run away from your problems.
- Fantasise about your perfect wife. Pretend hard enough that she exists to ignore the crushing reality that actually, she doesn’t.
- Spend a day making pie.
- Try and get into a major accident, like a car crash, so that they’ll have to put you into a medically induced coma. It’s physiologically impossible to be sad when you’re awake.
- Have the worst day of your life before, and then just do the opposite of everything you did.
- Kidnap your favourite artist and force them to perform your favourite song for you.
- Kidnap your favourite magician and force them to perform magic for you.
- Kidnap your favourite surgeon and force them to perform your favourite emergency laparotomy on you.
- Do something crazy, like ride a unicycle, bungee jump, or support Donald Trump.
And if at fails – watching Love Actually for the 16th time isn’t so bad.