Donald Trump has announced the end of his bid for candidacy, just 4 days before Election Day. The move cements the businessman’s place in the history books as the first presidential nominee of a major US party to drop out after being nominated.
Even more surprising is the reason he gave for ending his campaign. “I ran a tremendous campaign,” he told reporters at a press conference in the lobby of Trump Tower. “I’m the best candidate to come in for a thousand years. The GOP didn’t like me, they tried to put me down, but I came back up. Over and over and over again. I took over their party. I played them. But now it’s time for me to come clean.”
“Republicans – I don’t like them, never have, never will. They’re like – ingrown toenails. Always there, bugging you all the time, and you want to get rid of them. Now me and Hillary Clinton, we go a long way back, and sometime last year we got the thinking that we’re going to take over the party. Yes, me and Hillary have been working together. We wanted to bring the GOP down, and today by throwing their nomination, their endorsements out of the window, I believe we have. With that, I hereby endorse Hillary Clinton for President of the United States of America.”
This shocking announcement confirmed fringe conspiracy theories that Donald Trump and Democrat nominee Hillary Clinton were working behind curtains to engineer the 2016 elections. In doing so they have now left the Republicans with no formal nominee in the twilight hours before Election day on November 8th.
The move has created uproar among politicians in Capitol Hill. Paul Ryan, Speaker of the House, said “Donald Trump has destroyed the GOP from inside and out and is now leaving us to weep over the ashes. I hope him and Hillary Clinton get shot by the red-neck conservatives that supported the madman.”
Former Republican Presidential candidate Ted Cruz said in an email, “You see. I told you. I f**king told you all.” While Lindsay Graham tweeted, “We all deserve it. Pack it up boys, time to move to Canada.”
Hillary Clinton has received her fair share of abuse as well. Bernie Sanders, former Democratic hopeful, told reporters, “That’s evil on a whole another level. May God have mercy on us under her dictatorship.” Many on social media are also calling her out on her actions. Already an online petition for ‘Free Condoms from Federal Government because Hillary Clinton is going to f**k us all” has reached 30,000 signatures.
The Republican National Committee Chairman, Reince Priebus could not be reached for comment, but reporters outside his home in Washington D.C reported crashing noises, screams, and ABBA music being played at full volume.